felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
