and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could fuck to npr.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
