No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
