thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
