So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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