You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
