Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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