stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
