dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
