he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what day is it and did you see me today?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize