I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
