worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
