that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my shit smells like andre
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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