I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
