I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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