You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
