she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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