I just threw up on my dentist
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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