broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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