"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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