why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize