Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
