We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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