Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
