you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize