I puked a lego.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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