I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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