what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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