i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
