Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize