he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
