Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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