Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
