can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Randomize
