i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
