Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
