Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
