Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
