so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
