I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's the barista slut.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would fuck him just for his dog
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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