let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
