T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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