dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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