I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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