"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
