remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
