her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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