we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Houston, we have a blender
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
