Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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