my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
