I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
