I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
