there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
