Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm too high and old for this...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
