she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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