I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
