oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
