i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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