why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
