i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
