my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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