thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
