I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
