haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
