I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
