you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
