I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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